Thursday, 19 June 2008

On......the fable of the gap-toothed snake, the benevolent boar and the troglodyte

There is a popular misconception, one that seems to have been universally upheld, that the Lion is the King of the Jungle. This view is, in fact, inaccurate. Whilst it is true that across the various animal kingdoms, lions form a majority of the ruling class, there are small pockets of sovereignties, scattered here and there, in which other animals enjoy governance.

Take the Jungle Republic of Lacunia, for example, where Gadon Machiji, a gap-toothed snake, once ruled for some 8 years. The fact that a snake ruled was not in itself the surprising thing -other snakes had been in the hot seat before- it was that ruling alongside this sect of serpents there sat a reptilian-like, cave dwelling creature known as a troglodyte. Now, no one liked or trusted these troglodytes with their humanoid shapes and long serpentine tails. They rarely came out during the day and even when they did, they would wear dark protective eyewear so that one never saw their eyes. They were highly disruptive creatures and the only attribute they possessed in great abundance was evil. Even more surprising was the gap-toothed snake’s very public friendship with a benevolent boar called Waitandsee. Some animals even believe, to this day, that it was the resources of the very wealthy Waitandsee that sponsored the coup that allowed Machiji to seize power from his draconian but dithering predecessor.

After Machiji took power, things started to go wrong almost immediately. Firstly, decrees 23 and 42 were scrapped. These decrees had been introduced by the outgoing regime and had forbidden all animals from defecating or urinating in places that were not clearly designated shitholes.

Further, there had been murmurings amongst the animals that Machiji was the secret head of a cabal that imported the coca plant from his cousins in the Amazon rainforest. Everyone knows of the euphoric but dilapidating effect of the coca plant on animals. Under the old regime all convicted coca smugglers were brutally murdered as punishment. None of the animals dared accuse Machiji of being a smuggler for fear of the repercussions. A highly respected goat, and head of the Jungle Journal, had been bold enough to compile a series of missives suggesting that the gap-toothed snake was behind much of the coca influx. One day the goat received a package containing compressed porcupine quills which exploded when opened, killing the goat instantly. The murder remains unsolved but whispers permeated through the Republic that it was Machiji’s handiwork.

Economic policy also suffered greatly under Machiji particularly with the introduction of the Seasonal Appropriation Program. The program made little sense to anyone other than the Republic’s creditors and whilst foreign investment increased, there followed a period of great famine and austerity. During this period Machiji and his cohorts got fatter whilst the good citizens of the Jungle Republic, from the marauding elephant to the industrious soldier ant, got leaner and leaner. Machiji’s government implemented a myriad of other failed programs, which only helped to divert attention and fritter scarce national resources. Some of the programs include the Animal’sBank, Directorate of Food, Streams and Jungle Infrastructure (DFSJI) and Better Life for Reptilian Women. All these programs are dead today.

The Republic was very good at producing palm oil but unfortunately did not really know what to do with it. You see, palm oil on its own is pretty worthless and has to be refined in order to be of any benefit. So whilst the good citizens were slavishly producing record amounts of palm oil, they had to export it and buy it back at extortionate rates. Also the Lacunian animals were not very good at hunting for themselves. Almost everything they ate they had to import from other lands. This was not helped by Machiji’s failure to provide them with the tools needed to sharpen their claws, grind their teeth and improve their ability to hunt.

It was not long, therefore, that the animals began to grow restless and started to rebel against Machiji’s poor leadership. Machiji responded with force and hundreds of animals lost their lives as they protested about the poor conditions. Even some of Machiji’s brothers in green were unhappy and staged yet another coup to dethrone the increasingly unpopular king. Unfortunately, over the years, Machiji had become extremely deft at the skills of evasion and managed to escape to a place called Gongo Rock which he christened as the new seat of power. All 27 of his brothers in green were caught and assassinated after a trial in a kangaroo court. Nobody was quite sure where the kangaroos had come from.

All the while, Waitandsee, the benevolent boar, was secretly harbouring fantasies of succeeding Machiji. After all, had Machiji not promised to relinquish power to the other animals after five years of rule? And who better to pick up the baton than his dear friend, Waitandsee, who had assisted in putting him into power in the first place? So the stage was set for an election. Unease had been growing and this would surely keep the animals happy. The election itself was a success but what happened subsequently was a disgrace. All the animals, including Waitandsee himself, had underestimated Machiji’s lust for power and desire to prolong his own rule.

He set up an ‘interim’ committee of his own choosing to replace him which consisted of various ostriches, giraffes and other animals of no consequence. This set the scene perfectly for yet another takeover, this time by the troglodyte which was to have very dire consequences on the whole Jungle Republic of Lacunia. One of the troglodyte’s first acts was to imprison Waitandsee and thereafter followed a series of animal rights catastrophes which are too terrifying to mention in great detail. Suffice to say that those were very dark days for the Republic with assassinations and kidnappings the order of the day. Hyenas and jackals moved freely among the animal populace under the veil of fear and intimidation. Under his rule, the molluscs with the hard shells pillaged the land for more and more palm oil. When a bold and fearless lion rose proudly and roared in disapproval, the troglodyte sent his hyenas to hang him.

His reign, fortunately, was not to last for much longer. The rest of the animal world took notice and whether by accident or whether by design, the troglodyte met his end mid-coitus, in the company of two specially imported Indian pythons. Coincidentally, exactly a month later, Waitandsee also met his fate in equally suspicious circumstances. It was the very day that he was set to be released from incarceration. Some say that the American bald headed eagle -self proclaimed guardian of the animal kingdom- was behind their deaths but there is nothing really to substantiate this claim. The Indian pythons were never seen or heard of again.

What of Machiji? Did he live happily ever after? I wish I could tell you that he did not and that a hunter caught him one day and cut off his head. I wish I could tell you that but I would be lying. Machiji is still alive today and still slithers in the same venomous, reptilian company that he always kept. Would you believe that he recently even tried to be King of Lacunia again? A snake sheds its skin every year but even the Lacunians recognised that underneath this new skin was still the very same gap-toothed snake that had plunged the Republic into chaos so many years ago. He still talks out of both sides of his mouth. Recently, he crawled out of his lopgpile house and attended the ten year memorial of his dear friend, the troglodyte. He tried to tell us that the troglodyte was not really a troglodyte at all. He said that the troglodyte did not stash those cowries in Gongo rock all those years ago. He assured us that the billions of cowries that were sent to Helvetia, and have since been repatriated, had nothing at all to do with his dear friend and was some kind of administrative error. Snakes do not blink so he said all this with an entirely straight face and without a sense of irony. It is only after all these years that it has become very clear. Machiji, for once, was telling the truth. The troglodyte had not really been a troglodyte at all. He had merely been a serpent in human skin. The grimace and the dark eyewear had fooled all the animals into thinking they were different creatures when, in fact, they were one and the same.


Shubby Doo said...

*insert applause*


Yes, shubby doo, applause is necessary. I am off to read this again, but I just wanted to quickly let you know that your fix has been provided at Nigerian Curiosity. Its a little rusty, I've been writing it for too long and just wanted to get it over and done with, but at least I put my thoughts about the issue (the AFC) out there. How body? I dey go read this betta post again.


Ah, after reading this again, applause is not all that is necessary. I must hail you my brotha. You try. You described all the characters so well, it is easy to know who is who. Kashimawo's description, the dark sunglasses worn by the kini won kpe? troglo-something, lol! oh, yeah troglodyte.

I liked it a lot. Will link to it on the Abacha post as it gets lots of non-blogger hits. Will hopefully provide additional material for researchers.


Atutu, this is not the first time I have asked you to enable email forwarding of your posts. Or is it that you don't know how to do it? I want to send this post out to some people while retaining your link so as not to confuse them of the source. Please enable forwarding. Just go to Settings or contact me to walk you through it. Please.....

Atutupoyoyo said...

@ Shubby: Your applause is most welcome in these parts.

Solly baby, you know say this ya brother na bush man. I think I have done it now sha.

omidanbellafricaine said...

hehe fable indeed barely concealed though but i had a feeling you were not going for cryptic. Its sad for the jungle that Machiji is hale and hearty it challenges the principle of you reap what you sow. I find that life challenges all principles and I'm oft tempted to dismantle all preconceived notions Descartes style. Anyway update soon will yah? Some kind of mind fuck piece like incarceration of Tajudeen. (excuse my bossy tone)

ablackjamesbond said...


Loved it!

Heard that the kingdom is being ruled by an ailing mouse. How did that happen? What happened to all the lions, eagles and other animals of consequence?

Smaragd said...

I almost stopped reading at the beginning cuz i thought to myself "what is he on about?" then i remembered ur "satirical" ability.

by the second paragraph though, certain things began to make perfect sense! so i settled in and read to the end in record speed.

this should be published in a nigerian paper of repute! maybe "This Day" or "Guardian".

Perfekt geschrieben! c'est fantastique! Bravissimo!

Shubby Doo said...

lol @ the ailing mouse…is he really the timid creature that actively sniffs around to acquire information about his surroundings?…or is he the rodent that causes damage by spreading diseases through his parasites and faeces?

Funnily, the word muscle stems from the word musculus which I think means small mouse. I wish this mouse (ailing or not) would actually use some muscle to effect the required change…to just help his loyal subjects…to just make the kingdom better…it is sad but I think my expectations are too much…

Smaragd said...

and BLACK007, u are very right about the ailing mouse, I wonder what the game plan is where this poor mouse is concerned...

Afrobabe said...

wow...great work mate...

when I saw Machiji and the death of the goat I put it all together...weldone...

Allied said...

Very good Atutu... I knew where you were going after the first paragraph.

What did this story teach us?


We should know that snakes equal Devil but I know

I couldn’t help but make a correlation between the bible and your story

Lion of Judea and the serpent (king of deception)

30+ said...

So what next for Machiji, better still which way for the Republic of Lacunia?

Yaya Aiki

naijaleta said...

Speechless. Awesome stuff. Dont believe I'm just reading from your blog. ANyway, I'm relatively new here.

Lighty said...

u couldnt av told it better. story of our "great country". a jungle indeed.

Afolabi said...

this was entertaining to read, with the fable being a comical representation of Nigeria and it's leaders... But I sought of feel you described the creatures in light tones that they don't evoke the tyranny of our country's past leaders..But hey, it was a good read!!

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Ms. Catwalq said...

You know, I almost thought this was an updated version of one of those enid blyton's tales about gnomes and forbidden forests.

Pure genius in the way you have crafted the stories and masked the characters.I saw this as a stage play...let's rub minds...

AlooFar said...

Brother man, nice one. Brilliant.

And thanks for your comment on the "Obama's Speech on Nigeria"

Genius ;)

TheAfroBeat said...

CLASSIC!! it took me a while (it's 1am here) to get into it, but it's a masterpiece....i always wondered where the kangaroos came from too! No but really, i know i've heard the reason behind the name "kangaroo court" before but i forget. As for our Machiji, he still lurks but I pray that our republic will never forget the pain and suffering he caused so many (there have been a few close calls, but sha, my memory ain't failing me anytime soon!).

Thanks for this. You've inspired me back to life. Mo n bo!

Anonymous said...

Only you can tell it so atutu....
Brilliantly done!!

Jaja said...

Seriously, snakes do not blink?

Jaja said...

The characters were thinly, seductively veiled [ still I was smiling inwardly, certain I was the only one getting it]

This is a very fine allegory. It made me think of Orwell's Animal Farm.
This sort of social commentary re-affirms my faith that we arent all cursed with that selective amnesia that most Nigerians display. It seems to call on accountability.

Being very little when Giwa was blown into pieces in his home; at the risk of sounding melodramtic, I often feel like that news scarred me. Like most Nigerains,We were quiet in our house for days. It became clear to me that ours was where Powerful people could do anything just because they could. I cant quite explain how that news affected me.{ a president blowing up a bold journalist with a letter bomb while he was at table with family)

I strongly resent IBB. This is the softest way I can say this.
I resent the things he has stood for. I dont just mean the looting.... I mean even the devastating and lasting effect his rule has had on the Nigeriian Psyche.

Bros, I like this piece. It is so relevant that I can only equate it to an act of kindness.

Olamild said...

I enjoyed your story on 14th and serenity

You are a very good writer

UndaCovaSista said...

Hey boo! What's up?
This requires a second read. I will be back. Sorry, sun stroke and jet lag have addled my brain...

Jaycee said...

I knew it...I knew u were talking about Nigeria. LOLLL...

This was beautiful in every respect. You're the king of fiction.

Naapali said...

I could almost swear that this fable was an allegory of life once lived in a west African nation. However, I dare not say that because then I would be tortured to reveal my knowledge of Gadon Machiji.

Well done bro even your fiction rings like true history!

Standtall said...

This is another "Animal Farm" but not by George Orwell this time. Well done brova!!!

Nonesuch said...

Brillant Post . Well done

NigerianDramaQueen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NigerianDramaQueen said...

Call this an allegory,
Call this a fable,
Call this satire on the jungle of West African Politics,
Call this a new take on Orwells Animal Farm,
But most of all:
Call this brilliant.

Anonymous said...

i will have to read this again.
*averts eyes in embarrassment*

Anonymous said...

@jaja: ANIMAL FARM is def what came to mind.
and i got it too! jus need to re-read to match the characters precisely, cuz my knowledge of politics is not that intricate.

ps: i know there's no prize for getting it, but i jus wanted to put it out there :P

Atutupoyoyo said...

Omidanbellaafricaine: Often tempted to dismantle all preconceived notions Descartes style abi? Loving it. A mind fuck piece? How can I resist the lady?

007: That poor mouse. I do worry about his disposition and health. Would be even better if he was a rat. They tend to be a bit tougher and durable. All the other animals of consequence are underground but they will soon re-emerge.

@Smaragd: You are far too kind. Sprechen sie Deutche? Parlez vous francais?

Shubby: You just made me laugh out loud.

Afrobabe: Cheers mate. How is my Benue sistren today?

Allied: I have said before that you are my female alter ego. I was reading the book of Job recently and it was that which gave me the idea of this fable.

30+: My dear sister who knows o? I suspect that Machiji will live to his end of days and die peacefully in his sleep. The Republic of Lacunia will hopefully one day get the Lion King that it has never really had.

Naijaleta: Thanks so much for reading. Please make sure you come back.

Lighty baby: Na real jungle o. How u dey now?

Afolabi: You are astute as ever. I pulled my punches a little no doubt but I intend to expand this a bit more and no doubt their true actions will be exposed in greater detail.

Cat: We are rubbing constantly my dear. Our collabos have only just started.

Brother Aloof and Far: Your Obama post was inspired. I invert all your praise and throw it back at you.

Afrobeat: Thanks for reading bros even at that late hour. You still haven’t told me where you relocated to. Machiji is still lurking and has threatened to spring forward at different times. Thankfully the Lacunians are a bit more vigilant these days and resistant to his attacks.

Candy: My dear how u dey now? Thanks so much for reading.

Of Opobo: They do not blink o my broda.

Jaja O: Animal Farm is one of my favourite books and there is a Nigerian version that is waiting to be written. We cannot afford to forget our nation’s history. It is only through embracing it that we can move on to further glory.

Giwa’s death shook Nigeria and plunged the country into fear and uncertainty. I remember my mother not opening any letters for weeks (in the days when we still had a vibrant postal system).

IBB? There is not enough time and space here. When we yarn......

Olamild: Thanks a lot but I was amongst very exalted company and I can say without modesty that my story could have been much stronger. But thanks for stroking this my delicate ego tonight. I love you for that.

Undacova: So good to have you back on these shores. You have been sorely missed.

Jaycee: Thanks so much for reading babes. Your very presence alone always makes this man smile.

Naaps: Thanks bros. Gadon Machiji. What is there left to say about this creature? It is sad when such a small, insignificant animal can have such a bearing on a nation’s history. Very sad indeed. The lions have slept for far too long and need to be roused.

Standtall: Thanks sis. Animal Farm is a particular favourite.

Nonesuch: Thanks my sista. Haven’t seen u in a minute. Is all well?

NDQ: I am so pleased that you liked it. Your comments are especially welcome.

Geisha: LOL. The characters should hopefully be obvious on second reading. I am actually trying to be a bit more subtle when I expand teh story. That is what Orwell did to near perfection.

The Last King Of Scotland said...


Charizard said...

Wow...impressive work here man...

Darn I cant even remember what it was I wanted to say...

Baroque said...

na who talk say Atutu no chop belle-full?...i think this should be published...just incase you already have, can i see the final snake, benevolent boar and troglodyte...BRAVO! BRAVO!!

PS: read the first paragraph when it was new, then stopped. i'm glad i read it, such prowess

nam said...

it's amazing the way you have with words,if i had half your talent,i would quit my day job and boyfriend right now! wonderful,wonderful and i must add,what a brilliant job you did on "14thandsernity"

Anonymous said...

have you read mirages blog

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FineBoy Agbero said...

Nice one! Immensely enjoyable read! U are d man o!!!

But are Nigerians not heaping too much blame on IBB's head, even things he didnt do? At the risk of displaying "collective amnesia" or being labelled a toddler while IBB was ruling, could people just list d atrocities IBB committed? (Aside from Dele Giwa, of course, which is also debatable.)

Now, don't confuse this for an endorsement of IBB. I need to know these things so I can yab and curse him too. (I can't do dat without facts, really.)

bumight said...

I finally got it after a couple of paragraphs.
this is brilliant to say the least!

perhaps you would write our very own Nigerian rendition of the Animal farm?

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'dara said...

beautifully written piece...
But what next for Lacunia, what about her other "animals" that have strayed to distant kingdoms who secretly harbour dreams of returning to their beloved jungle?
Oh and what name shall be given to the one whom the 'ailing mouse' succeeded - 'the cunning tortoise?' or just another snake in disguise?

AIQ said...

"the troglodyte met his end mid-coitus, in the company of two specially imported Indian pythons"

How much more creative can you get? Thumbs UP!

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