Tuesday, 25 September 2007

On......friendships


I have been reminded in recent weeks about the different kinds of friends that exist and how we subconsciously react to the different types. We instinctively know where we stand with a particular friend and what we can expect from them. Some surprise us. Many disappoint us. Everyone essentially has three types of friend; those that love us, those that are indifferent to us and those that hate us. I have tried to break these categories down even further:


There is the type of friend that only belongs to a certain period in your life. This is not to say that you do not forge a close bond with this person. It is just that this friend does not easily make the transition from one phase of your life to another. The classic example is the Uni friend with whom you are inseparable for about three or four years. When your professional life begins, this friend doesn’t always make the jump with you. It is not that you don’t make the effort to keep in touch; it is just that the hedonistic days of yore cannot quite be replicated these days. You both have different commitments now, a family perhaps. You will meet up occasionally for the odd drink but you spend most of the time reminiscing on your salad days. In reality your time has passed.

There is the childhood friend. You have known this person practically all your life and you are as comfortable in their company as you are with family. This person can never form or demo for you. You know their entire family, they know yours and sometimes the over familiarity has given way to contempt as you are not quite as close as you should be.

Then there is the acquaintance. This one is barely a friend but you keep meeting or bumping into them on more than the odd social occasion. You have hardly exchanged more than a few words and no very little of each other but the face is a familiar one and with some perseverance (and desire) this could morph into a better relationship. Be wary, however, of the constant acquaintance. The person that has a host of friends and slaps the back of everybody he meets is regarded as a friend of nobody.

How about the parasitic friend? The one that needs you just that bit more than you need them. There lives are constantly in need of your intervention. You are continually the one providing advice, support and assistance to the parasitic friend with very little in return. When you start to talk about your issues the focus invariably switches back to their lives. This friend can also take the form of a scrounger or freeloader who brings far less to the friendship than you do.

Everyone’s favourite friend has to be the symbiotic friend - your second skin, your brother/sister from another mother. This could well be the same as your childhood friend although not always. You have little qualms about sharing your problems, hopes and fears with this person, safe in the knowledge that the person can do the same. It is the most beautiful of friendships and geographic location is no deterrent to the intensity of your bond, nor is daily contact for that matter. With this person, after a ten year separation where he/she is in Antarctica and you in the Outer Hebrides, you can still sit down, talk and laugh as though the parting had only been ten minutes. If you are a fortunate enough then this person will also be your life partner. It is rare though.

Then we also have a friendship which I confess I have not quite had the pleasure of enjoying properly – the friend with benefits. The friend that you can gbensh with no strings attached! It is a mutual arrangement in which both parties can see other people and still remain friends without the formal arrangement that coupledom brings. Just make sure that you both know what’s up at the beginning sha!

There is a much newer breed know as the Facebook friend. I hate these fuckers. I’ve got about 215 of them, at least a 100 of which I barely know. They want to bite me, buy me beer that I cannot drink, turn me into a zombie and all kinds of dumb ass shit.

Last, but by no means least, is the blogville friend. These faceless (and sometimes nameless) friends follow you everywhere you go and abuse you when you don’t UPDATE!! UPDATE!! They have that most desired of attributes in a friend - the ability to listen. It doesn’t matter if you are talking about taking tango lessons, taking pictures of oil rigs, losing your purse/wallet, creating international academies, analysing the different types of fart, Brownian motion, complaining about dogs, moaning about Nigerian politricks, abusing men or whatever. They will be there to listen and to offer their unsolicited (and usually honest) advice.

I’m sure I’ve missed a few. Please add at your leisure.

47 comments:

UnNaked Soul said...

FIRST!!! YAY!!!
nice topic...
sometimes when I check myself on friend-o-meter, I loose or gain weight...

I have some friends with benefit. it take a deeper understanding to sustain the link...

close friends? maybe a very tiny few 0 - 2.5

UnNaked Soul said...

P.S. Leave Catwalq alone!

Nonesuch said...

thanks for updating I was almost becoming a stalker. nice post by the way Blog friend

Zephi said...

wow, you hit the nail on the head...I had made a post on my close friends and most of the categories you mentioned fit the descriptions of my friends......

you can read it
here

Naapali said...

Finally!!! Haba u tay btw posts. There are friends that nag you but u can tell it comes from a good place.
I constantly remind myself of the motto of a highly regarded medical school in Minnesota, USA.
"Not many, but good". I think it sums friendships well.

catwalq said...

AtutuP!!!!!!!!

Wharreespopping?
Am I your friend?
Can I be your friend?
Would you be my friend?

catwalq said...

@unnaked: when u were wasting time, AtutuP delivered..what can I say?

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Ahhh....The parasitic friend! Hvae come across quite a few of those in my life.Thank God, I got rid of those.

As for Facebook people. Na wa oh! see as you dey curse people!!! But na true oh. Facebook friends are seriously high maintenance. I just joined the thing and am struggling even though I probably only have 10 friends. lol!

Good luck on your friend with benefits quest. Just don't influence Bomboy or TK with that nonesense, oh!

lol!

bam bam said...

dats some very dip shit now i kno d kind of frnds i have or beta stil the kind of frnd i am i tot it took a rocket scientist to kno dat??????????!!!!!!!!!!!

bam bam said...

nd yes... can i be your blog frnd?{pretty pls wit suga coats on it}

Waffarian said...

You missed the "party friend": the one you can go out with and know you will enjoy yourself wherever you end up in. No complains of "I don't like the music", "I don't like the crowd here", "lets take a taxi" "I want to go home", etc. The "party friend" is spontanous and will be happy with any suggestion!

bighead said...

I joined facebook because of just one person and if she isn't updating, then I really don't need facebook nevertheless, one or two friends there have made it worth my while. For the rest, I refuse to be bitten, poked, super-poked or whateva new concoction some oyibo thinks up so that I can achieve less at work.

Jaja said...

I got an sms from a friend last week " I HATE YOU". Because am terribly at keeping in touch, and my Ill call you back na Promise and fail...
I ve got a few friends tho...

Am not in facebook< Hi5 that I managed to join na wahala to maintain.. but I ve got a friend who's met some fuckmates through that. and yea they travel distance, some.

As for blogville friends:I ve never met any one froem blogsville and am certain no one who knows me reads my blog, however I make mental pictures of what they are like, like right now.. i am thinking that there are days Catwalk's room could be scattered to a point one wouldnt think was possible....
And that you r quite orderly... I even unconsciously, easily, make mental pictures of what some bloggers look like... I feel certain of those I will like or like to hate or nothing... Oya this comment don too long.
Meanwhile UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!

geisha said...

i don't have any childhood friends.
i think that makes me weird.

i don't have symbiotic friends- neva had either, following your definition.
i think that makes me sad.

i have however, had a few party friends -
i think that makes me coooool!
lol. *sigh

Onome said...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! ATUTU!!! dis is a nice piece of work....i like it.

Hopeful B! said...

your initial description of 3 basic friends sums it all up. Being friends is hard sha i must confess,i wonder where i fall in on the friendometer.
One thing i've learnt is to cherish your good friends and treat them well.

nice post blogfriend!

uknaija said...

Please update ;-)

UndaCovaSista said...

I have a symbiotic friend i've known for years, and when i was younger i used to find myself wishing i could transpose all her qualities into a man's body (a smoking hot one, of course), and then marry him (yeah, right!)

Lol @ waffarian's party friend. I call mine my 'tripping buddy'

catwalq said...

@jaja, I promise you my room is always tidy...even when it is a hot mess, it is still much better than most people's....

why are you thinking about my room...*bouncing eyebrows* ehn?

Atutu are u listening to this guy?

ibiluv said...

sure u lack the gbensh them no strings attached kinda friends?
or u just wish u had *more* of them
confess confess confess
*wink*

Ekoakete said...

Nice post! I do confess to being terrible at keeping touch but I'm trying to get better. Do you ever notice how you re-assess your friendships when you need to invite people to your do?

Kpakpando said...

Great post, mana can i say friends with benefits don't/can't really exist, at least not for extended periods of time... Invariably one of the parties gets too emotionally attached, and it's not always the female either.

but yezzz I agree with this

Black Wasp said...

hmmm...Atutupoyoyo..wot a name to have as a friend.. Wt dat kind of name, Lord knows I trade you for geisha any day! Would that be a parasitic friendship, bearing in mind what geisha means out here!?

I am lucky to have 2 friends I introduce to people as cousins though.. not because we are too far away from home, it's just dat we are peacefully symbiotic!

I've got some friends like bread and geisha, we could be great together, but hey, we do great without one another..

Sorry geisha for appearing like I'm taking on yah, but we all know food is still a man's best friend!

vindication through innocence said...

Ive got friends but i dont class them- theres the one that you will gist with when ur at the bus stop waiting for the C11 to go to brent cross, the one that always has some MAAAADDD gist- the one who is always being gisted about(but those ones are just acquaintances-guilty by association men) and there are your guys- the ones that know that although all youre rocking costs welll over a £1k, you dont even have 10kobo to rub together-and they dont make you feel inferior(sorry, exposing myself)!!but Atutu....as in what about the friend that you would share your last bit of gari with?you forgot that one innit!!this entry is sooo funny-
And i sooo hear you on the facebook friends- piss off u twat face, can you not see i have about 400 friends?...go find some other loser to perv on their pics men-ive edited my privacy settings tho-id advise you to do the same!
oh, and i forgot, the dappy friend!!the one that is just unintentionally silly, rude and just a bit of a blond lass!!we love them!!what about the minging and rude friend?we all know of one- the are fugly and their attitude stinks of shit like that woman that loiters around Edgeware!!
anyho, enough said here...nice one

Must say, blogger chums are the best cos they know you but they dont know you(confused?good, thats what i was hoping for)...they know your (ok, my) most stupid thoughts and still just ignore all the hangups we have in the real world- oh and p.s.- no be small o- when youre bounz, youre BOUNZ!!it really is not easy-had to fight them off in high street ken today with a bamboo stick!!sooo not cool...

classybabe said...

I have friends that i can count on and who know they can count on me and i also have friendships which function as gisting relationships. P.S-Did u see what our reserve team did on wednesday?!

catwalq said...

Atutuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?
Where r uuuuuuuuuuuuu?
I need youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?
Oooh-ooh-oooooooooh

femme said...

i never accept friends on face book who arent really friends.
i have two best friend and even though i know which of the 2 i'd choose anytime, she's also the one person who irritates (not annoy) the hell outta me and i know the other will make me feel better.
since they are both university friends i hope i have them for ever.

Aijay said...

I've had my fair share of the friends you've described, with the exception of friends with benefit. lol.
I think you've just given me an idea for my next post.

Orientatednaijababe said...

Found out bout ur blog thru Aijay...I must confess i am drawn to ur blog. Can i be ur blogville friend????? i will cry if u reject me.

Friendship is very tough to maintain, right now i have not spoken to my close friend for 2 weeks, i am even thinkin of breaking up with her (if there is anything like that), cos i cant handle the stress the friendship brings,...maybe i shud even blog about it cos i need help in tackling it sef.

Temi said...

close friends? -very few!
very weird observation about blogville friends but its true

...toyintomato said...

...so with all this, which friend is the best!!!

did u mention, the 2 faced/bad belle friends... the ones you know for sure you cant trust them, but they are always in your life for a reason...

...hmnn, i wonder, should they be counted as friends

Ejura said...

Hitch is at it again!
Ok, i like this piece a lot. I find it annoying though that some secondary school friends [not even uni] still imagine you can be as close as you used to be neon years ago.
Then there's the acquaintances you barely speak more than 5 sentences to but who wake you up at 2am with a midnight call. To discuss what? How to spell hello?

UndaCovaSista said...

Atutu, ngwa update now...

Bitchy said...

Complaining about dogs?? LOL! Was that me? I am honoured to be your blogville friend Mr. Poyoyo :-)

The "friend with benefits" concept is an invention of Hollywood. It cannot exist. Not unless the friend from whom you wish benefit is also male?

P.S. I left facebook. If anything the 1000+ friends I had on it served as a more poignant reminder of the many friends I did not in fact have in real life! Xxx

catwalq said...

kisses and kisses and kisses
thought u had abandoned me but I just saw ur comment on my Bani Productions blog. cha cha.

Of course there is always room. And I am working on loosing some of that so there will definitely be some space for me, you and your big friend....

Mustafa Şenalp said...

çok güzel bir site.

princesa said...

So i am a blogville friend, and i give unsolicited but honest advice. No wahala atutu!

Isi said...

...there's also the dangerous friend who goes behind your back and seduces your man. if she's not attractive, you'll hear about her games; if she is, well....
how u dey atu?

shosho said...

Hiya. Check out my categorisation of friends at http://realshosho.blogspot.com/2007/09/different-categories-of-friends.html

Emz said...

Very true! Just make sure you don't have a link to your blog on your facebook page. You don't want to piss off the legendary 215 by letting them see that you hate their dumb ass shit...haha!

You forgot the bad influence friends, whom you can never really quite tell what's going to happen when you'r with them. They're bubbly and fun, and make you feel footloose and fancy free...I suppose that can be the same as Waffarian's party friend?

Mpana said...

This hits home! Everyone is accurate..especially the symbiotic friend; i'm lucky enough to have more than one. I just wrote a post on a topic similar to this so I'm glad to see that someone was able to elaborate so well:)

cally-waffybabe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
femme said...

the day i dont check u will post abi?
not fair.

Anonymous said...

am with yoou....all the way

Shotmusinz said...

Friendship, hmm. one thing am pretty bad at. Let's do a run down of them, shall we?
Periodic friends - the largest group;
Zero childhood friends, was too shy then;
millions of acquaintances;
one simbotic friends - she's the greatest;
parastic friends? nope, guess they tired of me not playing ball soon enough;
friends with benefits, hmm, have a couple of them - love this category best;
my facebook friends comprise of all the earlier ones in one conpact form;
blogvile - not a soul, what is the matter with me???

Miss Maple said...

The writing style….
The depth of feeling…. Only one person I know IS like this.
I know who you are… my faceless friend.

A Kel called Wonder ...... said...

lol at the fb friends hahahahahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaa so true.

am sure am so late in commenting. but i like friend gist cos am so looking for a friend that would be here with me where i am not one i will leech on or vice versa. I have friends but the all fall into ur symbiotic friend in diaspora, all over the place. But i love them but i want one here in my teritory.