Thursday, 22 May 2008

On......the price of fear


I wasn’t quite sure how to approach her as she stood there in her red dress. I am rarely prone to overwhelming lust but at that minute I wished to tear her clothes off and fuck her. Repeatedly. However my nerve failed me as it often does in these situations. You see I do not know how to approach women, never have done. All my female associations have been purely through mutual introductions or in ‘safe’ settings like educational establishments, workplaces, etc. The fear of rejection always weighed heavier than the potential euphoria of a girl's promise. Thus, I have never chatted up a woman. Sure the signs are usually obvious enough. A woman will do any one of a half dozen things to indicate that she has earmarked you as a potential suitor. She will give you a further half dozen signs to suggest that she wants you to come over. I can read all the signs but like an illiterate I fail to comprehend a single one of them. Actually I do comprehend but then in the process of the brain registering signal and transmitting instructions to my feet to start the walk, something breaks down. I freeze.


So once again I stood, or rather leaned, in that familiar position by the bar, eyeing a girl I liked yet powerless to do a damn thing to build up the courage to just go and talk to her. I wanted to know so much about her and it hurt me that I lacked the guts to just get her name.


How was I ever to discover that her name was Mandy for example? Or that she liked Art and was currently working in a dead-end job but was hoping to open up a gallery someday? How could I possibly know that after our second date she would invite me up for coffee and that we would kiss the night away never once wishing to spoil our innocent caress with anticlimactic sex? I would be forever ignorant that when we did eventually have sex, I would dream of the tightness and moisture of her pussy all day long. How was I to ever know that one evening, after eight months of indecision, I would propose in Venice where we are attending the film festival? Would I ever be able to reciprocate the joy and pride I felt after her immediate acceptance? Or the jubilation that followed when she ultimately introduced three beautiful baby girls into our lives? Or the fact that for every setback I faced in my early career it was her that cajoled, supported and encouraged me to keep persevering? Would I ever reach the heights that her mere presence propelled me to? Would she ever have quit that dead-end job and pursued her dreams?


I guess not. For here we were at 2.53, with the club closing at 3, remaining at the same level of acquaintance that we were an hour ago and damned to remain at for eternity. We will remain two soul mates drifting apart into oblivious anonymity without the even the grace of knowing what we never knew. For want of some courage a lifetime was lost.

53 comments:

fantasy queen said...

uhhh, this looks interesting. i havent gotten past the sencond sentence yet. going to get some popcorn so i can chill as i read.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Who is this mgbeke u r scoping? ehn?

so all my threats did not work on you...? where is the flier, young man...?

Atutupoyoyo said...

@ Fantasy queen: E be like say u like popcorn well well

@ ms. catwalq: This is harassment o. Shebi you asked me to put peeshure of man and woman. Have I or have I not acquiesced?

fantasy queen said...

even me, a non member of the clan has a banner on my page. atutu, u are hereby fined with...a life time supply of popcorn.lol

loved this. makes me wonder if i've lost a dozen plus potential lifetimes.
thus this weekend as i lounge in one of em' cafes...i'll be doing more than just scooping, i'll be securing a life time. fingers crossed.

Ms Sula said...

Ah the possibilities... Been thinking about such a post myself...

Please next time, talk to the lady in red. We only get one lifetime.

:)

OluwaDee said...

nicely written.

Dont shy away o, abeg walk up 2 d babe, u never no...

Afolabi said...

Are you thinking of getting married, Atutu?

Naapali said...

And for the many lifetimes lost we shed collective tears.

This was short and sweet, like one of those anticlimactic sexual trysts.

Atutupoyoyo said...

@ fantasy queen: Make u no disgrace me o. Ya mouth like popcorn. For real o u have no idea of what possibilities are available or what direction your life will take by just talking to people.

@ ms sula: Definitely sista. Maybe I did speak to that lady in red. Perhaps there is more to come

@ oluwadee: You never know o. You never know

@ afolabi: Why bro? You have someone in mind for me?

Naapali said...

I came in search of Pius Igede, any sightings lately?

Atutupoyoyo said...

@ Naapali: LMAO@ the metaphor. Very well done there. Pius Igede is very dear to my heart and there are rumblings that he is set to appear in his own sitcom soon. Watch this space :-)

Lighty said...

mehn! that courage has got to be summoned otherwise too many things wuld be missing from ur life. spare urself the 'what if' agony abeg.

Allied said...

Is this a nudge to talk to my crush?

Ahh, i wish i could throw out the law that governs society....

But i can't

Hence, i will pray he walks up to me...

To answer your question, i am terrified being first. The pressure is starting to show... wish me Luck

Jaycee said...

Let me take my 14th spot first...will be back to give my full comment...lol...ah-tu-tuuuuu!

Charizard said...

15th...

wow thot I was the only one that went through the lost lifetime syndrome...guess not..

Jaycee said...

All this imagery and verbosity just for staring at a woman...wow! Ahhh-tu-tuuuu.

ibiluv said...

nice read...

but sometymes u just have to bell the cat.......

Baroque said...

you see, my problem with you is that you think too much. wetin dey warrant all dreams the proposal in Venice & 6abi na seven grandchildren...if she looks free & u think she's fuckable, rush one strong drink (to gain dutch courage), pop gum in your mouth (to kill the smell) walk up to her (so she can see your killer smile), say hey, how are you doing (so she knows you sound nice)...i'm sure you know where to take it to from there...no dey fall my hand, wich kind life?

Lighty said...

LOL @ baroque na wa 4 this man ohh. see u, u don bring ur player skills come blogville. so dats how u do it??? really??? lol!

pop gum and 'how u doing'? lol.

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

lmao at baroque...na serious guy man..

atutu my head hurts..I dont do this what ifs business, its not good for the health..

14th and serenity said...

12 SECRETS
12 REVELATIONS
12 LIVES
22 DAYS
ARRIVING MONDAY, 26TH MAY 2008
http://14thandserenity.blogspot.com/

Atutupoyoyo said...

@ Lighty: Na true o. But what if......

@ Allied: I wrote it straight after reading your post. It is not abt me really (thanks for spotting that) but more about taking chances in life cos u never know.....

@ Jaycee: What can i say my sister? I say it as I think it. I think everyone has had moments like this no? And not neccesarily about relationships. I do believe in destiny but also that the very same destiny can be shaped or altered by the most trivial of things.

@ Charizard: You are not the only one o. Everyone has these moments sometimes only for that moment to forever slip away.

@ Ibiluv: Very true. LMAO @ bell the cat. I can honestly say that I have not heard that expression in years. Thank you.

@ Baroque: Bwahahahahahahahahaha. No kill me wit laff u dis boy. I have missed u sef. Which woman could resist that approach?

@ Lighty: Don't hate the player lighty. Hate the game

@ Zephi baby: The whole point of the post is to avoid these "what if" moments by always acting on your instincts otherwise you potentially close the door on many
opportunities. In seperate news I hear that you want to go private on your blog. No try am o? And if u do better send an invite

UndaCovaSista said...

Hey, what's the worst that could happen? Think of those Dr Pepper commercials...lol!

Jaja said...

The words "Fuck" and "Pussy" made me quite glad..

By the third line I would have awarded with some of these awardable awards
.. "fuck her. Repeatedly." sort of burns with a thick intensity of its own.

I don drink small this night- see time-..,

About chances not taken.. sebi one can only wonder...

guerreiranigeriana said...

like jaja, the sight of the word 'fuck' brought immense joy and i hoped against all hope that it would spiral into a tale of some passionate sexual tryst...it didn't, but was still a wonderful read and time well spent;)...

...based on the lesson of this post, i am to go and text/call my 'friend' and see what we can 'pop off' for the weekend, abi?...*looks for her phone, fingers poised to dial or text away...awaiting atutu's response*;)...

J Adamthwaite said...

I like the ambiguity in this. It illustrates really nicely the fictions we create for ourselves, how sometimes the fictions are prettier than the reality could have been.

soupasexy said...

lol atutu, u betta get it of ur mind cos there's no such thing as the lost life time syndrome. Only God knows the future, so no point cojuring up images in ur head. i f u dont talk to her, u'll never see her again and life goes on perfectly.if u see her again and u become acquainted...still good.

Kiibaati said...

Too many ladies in red, one life to live, I beg, I pass...

Mz. Dee said...

First tym here.. the to icequeen.
Love the way u write.. uve got a way with words

Mz. Dee said...

oopz.. thx to the icequeen***

Funms said...

once an opportunity knocks, grab without fear.... u may neva know.... act out the fantasies.....

Standtall said...

This reminds me of this song ... you r beautiful is true... I dont know what to do, I will never be with " I forgot the name of the singer James something

Looking forward too 14th and Serenity

Waffarian said...

At least you stopped at a reasonable place...knowing me, I would have continued unto us growing old together with great gandchildren all around us...then I will proceed to cry at the thought of one of us eventually kicking the bucket...

Moody Crab said...

Lol @ Waffarian. You should have made the move. I've been told I'm mysterious and at the same time intimidating. When next I see you, I will make the first move to make things alot easier for you. How does that sound?

Interesting post...as usual.

Free-flowing Florida said...

i've never believed dat a man could b so paralyzed in d presence of a babe. i mean like, she's flashing him all d green light & he refused 2 take steps. something has got 2 b wrong wit such a man. he's probably not worth having @ d end of d day

princesa said...

So it was all a fantasy atutu? You no get liver to toast babe??

Good news for you, you dont need to toast me, am in love with you already,lol!

Ekoakete said...

Intelligent and well written write up as usual. For the many lifetimes lost, keep your tears as they were not meant to be. I am normally very shy and reserved but dude when I first laid eyes on Ololufemi ehn? Ain't no mountain hiiiighh enough, ain't no valley looow enough... I'm sure you get my drift hehehe

ablackjamesbond said...

Baroque...correct guy...when we dey meet for that beer naah?

Atutu...learn from the master [baroque]and stop writing scripts in your head...and its not that expensive anyways...gum and brukutu...and when the babe don gree, take some Shepz[shepe or opa eyin]for reinforcements.

ablackjamesbond said...

@ Waffarian...ur own too much...u buy aso ebi join for the funeral?

Smaragd said...

well... i guess u'll never know except u just do it... the Nike way.

on the other hand, what if she was the serial killer who would have murdered u with a skillet after giving the worst sex of your life?

at the end of it all, that one lady in red u finally summon up courage to talk to and it works out is ur mandy.

Patrice said...

". . . yet powerless to do a damn thing to build up the courage to just go and talk to her."

You are in a bar. A shot of "Dutch courage" cannot be more than a few minutes and a couple of quid away.

Ms.cocoa brown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ms.cocoa brown said...

how bout this mr.poyoyo...give me d place and time..i will turn upin my lil red number...and guess wot...if all my winking and cheesing dont do it..I WILL WALK UP TO YOU AND SAY,
"hi there, fancy a drink"..hhaahah...
but my question is, "WILL U STILL FIND ME ATTRACTIVE..OR WILL THE THRILL BE FAR GONE?"

AlooFar said...

I'd better go make this kind of post too... Suddenly Ah2 2 is getting all the blogochics :))

Wassup my bro?

Queen of My Castle said...

LOL @ Baroque and Jaja. I must admit that I was shocked to see those words written here. LOL

I could so hear Jay Z's Excuse Me Miss playing in the background.

curvyice said...

Dude, once again i say....very vivid yet tame, very literary yet jovial, very hmmmmmmm at a loss of words........good job as usual.

Onyeka Nwelue said...

Nice one. Reads sensually!

Anonymous said...

Baroque! We will pray for you! Funnily enough it is the same with women, after the formalities...it's difficult...who is genuine?? Or do you decline and miss the opportunity??

Afrobabe said...

errrmmm...where my comment???

Afrobabe said...

wow, no wonder there was no comment from me...hadn't read it...imagine...all the strangers walking past could have the same desease as you and not know I am the one...

we need to rememdy this oh...

Nola said...

Nice written...have you grown the 'nads yet or what? :)

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